So this is the last entry - I'll be wrapping things up. According to Blogger, this is my 61st entry, which means I reached double my goal of posting once a day. I have a few friends (not naming names) who started reading this but didn't bother to keep going because "you just wrote so much!" That's fine, I don't mind - I like telling the good stories over again anyway. I'm very excited to get nice and pompous and show-offy and start every sentence with "Well, when I was in Vietnam for a month . . ." It's very exciting to hear about all the people who have been reading this, and it's great to get comments from friends and family and know they've been following along and be able to share this incredible experience with them - if you've been reading this all along, or just a little every so often, or even just once, please, drop me a comment or send me an email so I can thank you, or at least know. Like my mother once said about seeing psychologists, it's an incredible luxury to have people listen to your feelings and ideas and care about what you have to say. It has gotten addictive - it makes me want to start a new blog just to record my daily life, to force my inner thoughts about regular life on the world. But I don't think that's going to happen. But next time I go traveling (and I definitely will be going traveling again) I'll probably start up a new one, with another title that could be almost clever but isn't really ("Hopeful in Hanoi" was supposed to be a kind of play on "Sleepless in Seattle," but unfortunately there aren't any words that start with H and end in -less that were remotely appropriate.)
In the end, though, this blog was always for me, so that I could keep track of this incredible trip and never forget it. It was only a month, but it was a huge experience. So even though I wrote too much to expect my friends to read it all, I doubt that I actually got down all of my thoughts and every detail of my experience, but I think I came close enough.
So, thanks for reading! I can't wait to see all of you in person now that I'm home. Time to get back to real life, now.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Things I Learned in Vietnam
Sometimes, when faced with a frustrating situation, the answer is not to go on the offensive and push and shove and use force to solve your problem. It can be much more effective to smile and be patient and take the time to think about why the problem exists and how it affects other people, not only you.
Never trust the Vietnamese transportation system to get you anywhere on time. Taxis, buses, trains, planes – it doesn't matter. Always work getting late into your timing.
When you are lost or you've made a mistake, it's always better to smile and ask for help and laugh at your mistakes than to suffer for them. People will be more than willing to help if you're friendly.
Always try the local food, unless it's the seafood, in which case avoid it like the plague, because it might actually have the plague.
It is never a bad idea to bring toilet paper with you. Always bring more than you think you'll ever need.
Likewise – when on an overnight train or bus or any situation where being sick would be unpleasant, bring way more medication than you would ever use, just in case. It's always worth it, even if you don't use it. Just think of the alternative.
Sweatiness is a state of being. Just accept the sweat. It will never, ever go away.
Hygiene standards are subjective. It's very difficult to care about bugs and lizards in the bathroom now. Flies covering your feet is also a state of being.
Absolutely terrible tan lines are still better than skin cancer.
It's okay to not want to eat dog, but just prepare yourself for the possibility that you've eaten it accidentally when you thought that the soup had pork in it.
I am incredibly, incredibly lucky to have been born in a place where I absorbed English at the same time that I was absorbing basic ideas about how the world worked, way at the beginning, when I had nothing better to do than to learn to speak, and walk, and eat. It's such a ridiculously useful language and so many people have to struggle to learn it.
Children are the same everywhere in the world, and you don't need to speak their language to know it.
Vegetarianism is by no means a universal concept.
There's a certain beauty to being a traveler – you make friends with people so quickly, and then when you leave them soon after, you'll most likely never see them again. There's also a certain sadness to that, because I love to hold on to the people I've met. It takes effort, but it's worth the effort, I think.
If you are unhappy with your situation, it's useless to sit around and complain about it. You have to make the most of it in whatever way you can. Sure, you can blame other people for disappointing you and leaving you in a bad situation, but it's no good to blame anyone if they're not going to fix it. In the end, you make your own decisions and you make your own happiness.
It's so easy to reach out to someone and give them a little kindness, but it means so, so much. We need more unconditional kindness in the world. If there's any one thing I'm taking away from this trip, it's that. I didn't know people could be so kind, so welcoming, so giving, even when they had so little. People aren't like that at home. I know many people at home who are lovely, lovely people, don't get me wrong, but we just don't approach hospitality the same way. There's no separation of private and public space in Vietnam, which can be infuriating when people crowd you and bump into you and ask you questions that are too personal, but it also means that all your troubles are their troubles, and they are willing to give you anything they have. I hope I can try to live more like that. Pay it forward, as Rob would say.
Something my mother taught me years ago, but it applies – like with kindness, it takes so little effort to show your appreciation for something, and it means so much when you do. Always say thank you.
I love everyone so much. (This I realized when I got home.)
Never trust the Vietnamese transportation system to get you anywhere on time. Taxis, buses, trains, planes – it doesn't matter. Always work getting late into your timing.
When you are lost or you've made a mistake, it's always better to smile and ask for help and laugh at your mistakes than to suffer for them. People will be more than willing to help if you're friendly.
Always try the local food, unless it's the seafood, in which case avoid it like the plague, because it might actually have the plague.
It is never a bad idea to bring toilet paper with you. Always bring more than you think you'll ever need.
Likewise – when on an overnight train or bus or any situation where being sick would be unpleasant, bring way more medication than you would ever use, just in case. It's always worth it, even if you don't use it. Just think of the alternative.
Sweatiness is a state of being. Just accept the sweat. It will never, ever go away.
Hygiene standards are subjective. It's very difficult to care about bugs and lizards in the bathroom now. Flies covering your feet is also a state of being.
Absolutely terrible tan lines are still better than skin cancer.
It's okay to not want to eat dog, but just prepare yourself for the possibility that you've eaten it accidentally when you thought that the soup had pork in it.
I am incredibly, incredibly lucky to have been born in a place where I absorbed English at the same time that I was absorbing basic ideas about how the world worked, way at the beginning, when I had nothing better to do than to learn to speak, and walk, and eat. It's such a ridiculously useful language and so many people have to struggle to learn it.
Children are the same everywhere in the world, and you don't need to speak their language to know it.
Vegetarianism is by no means a universal concept.
There's a certain beauty to being a traveler – you make friends with people so quickly, and then when you leave them soon after, you'll most likely never see them again. There's also a certain sadness to that, because I love to hold on to the people I've met. It takes effort, but it's worth the effort, I think.
If you are unhappy with your situation, it's useless to sit around and complain about it. You have to make the most of it in whatever way you can. Sure, you can blame other people for disappointing you and leaving you in a bad situation, but it's no good to blame anyone if they're not going to fix it. In the end, you make your own decisions and you make your own happiness.
It's so easy to reach out to someone and give them a little kindness, but it means so, so much. We need more unconditional kindness in the world. If there's any one thing I'm taking away from this trip, it's that. I didn't know people could be so kind, so welcoming, so giving, even when they had so little. People aren't like that at home. I know many people at home who are lovely, lovely people, don't get me wrong, but we just don't approach hospitality the same way. There's no separation of private and public space in Vietnam, which can be infuriating when people crowd you and bump into you and ask you questions that are too personal, but it also means that all your troubles are their troubles, and they are willing to give you anything they have. I hope I can try to live more like that. Pay it forward, as Rob would say.
Something my mother taught me years ago, but it applies – like with kindness, it takes so little effort to show your appreciation for something, and it means so much when you do. Always say thank you.
I love everyone so much. (This I realized when I got home.)
Friday, August 22, 2008
My first night back
Last night, I kept having dreams where I was stuck in an airport and couldn't leave. Just stuck, waiting and waiting. I wonder where in my subconscious this could have come from.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I'm home!
So I've been in the US for almost two hours now, which is a wonderful feeling. Because I ended up flying Air France, the flights were actually really nice and I enjoyed them. Lots of space, good food (for airplane food, anyway) and my flight from Paris to NY was far from full so I had plenty of space. I managed to smuggle in my epic amounts of DVDs and my Vietnamese cooking supplies, no problem.
It was a relief just to be in the JFK airport - I could look around and know that the staff was American. It isn't a racist thing, it just is so much easier to deal with people who have been raised in the same culture you were, who speak and understand the language you do, who you have common ground with you don't have to dig for. It was great to see my dad (my mom had a meeting and my sister's in Ireland) and wonderful to see American highway signs and American traffic and the familiar streets and houses of my town, to smell the Pelham summer air and feel the Pelham summer heat. The air feels different from Vietnam, no question.
So now I'm going to take a decent shower and put on nice clothes, and get outside a little before I unpack and start to deal with my life again. Ohhh, it's good to be home.
By the way, this isn't the last post on this blog. There are probably a few loose ends to tie up before I can put this baby to sleep for good. So I'll see you all soon!
It was a relief just to be in the JFK airport - I could look around and know that the staff was American. It isn't a racist thing, it just is so much easier to deal with people who have been raised in the same culture you were, who speak and understand the language you do, who you have common ground with you don't have to dig for. It was great to see my dad (my mom had a meeting and my sister's in Ireland) and wonderful to see American highway signs and American traffic and the familiar streets and houses of my town, to smell the Pelham summer air and feel the Pelham summer heat. The air feels different from Vietnam, no question.
So now I'm going to take a decent shower and put on nice clothes, and get outside a little before I unpack and start to deal with my life again. Ohhh, it's good to be home.
By the way, this isn't the last post on this blog. There are probably a few loose ends to tie up before I can put this baby to sleep for good. So I'll see you all soon!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
My Epic Airport Nightmare
Okay. So the plan was to leave the Hanoi airport at 8:35 on a plane bound for Guangzhou, which connected to Beijing, and then from Beijing to DC, and then from DC to New York. 27 hours. Sounds fine. Sounds simple. So, so deceptively simple. So I arrive at the Hanoi airport at 6:30, ready to go. Lam comes with me because he's a good friend and wanted to see me off. I tried to get him not to come because it's so early to get up, but he was insistent and it turns out that it was the best thing that could possibly have happened, in these circumstances.
So I go to check in, expecting everything to be fine, and I have a hard time beliving it when the woman at the check in counter tells me that actually, to take a connecting flight from one airport in China to another requires a Chinese transit visa.
What.
So I can't take my flight.
I call my parents. They call United Airlines who confirm what we think: that to go through shouldn't require a visa because I'm catching a third flight out of the country and it's within 24 hours. Nevertheless. I talk to a representative from China Southern Airlines, who tries to be helpful and calls for me and tells me that, despite anything that makes sense, I still need a transit visa, and I shouldn't get on the plane because the Guangzhou airport can't guarantee that they can get one for me, and if they can't, I'd be shipped right back to Hanoi.
(Imagine this whole thing with me on and off the phone with my parents and Lam talking to various Airport people in Vietnamese, by the way – I could never have figured this mess out by myself.)
So I try to talk to the people who booked my flight over here, but their offices are closed. I go to the China Southern office to see if they can change my reservation to get me a new flight. It looks like they can't. My mom finds a possible new route through Thai airways leaving at 11:15 – Hanoi to Bangkok to Tokyo to San Francisco to New York. Okay. We go to the Thai Airlines office and find out that they don't sell tickets at the airport, and the ticketing office is 40 km away. We call the director of the Peace House who gets in contact with my father, and they decide to abandon the Thai plan and try to use the travel agent the Peace House usually deals with. The Thai Airlines people are nice and let us sit in their office. Meanwhile, my dad says that as a last resort we could possibly book with Air France and fly through Paris, so that by the end of my trip I'll have flown all the way around the world.
The only option seems to be getting a visa and doing the same Guangzhou-Beijing-DC-NY thing another day, so we head back over to China Southern. It turns out getting a visa is still no certain thing, and we don't know how long it will take, so they suggest taking a direct flight to Beijing, but the next one is on Friday morning. Please god, don't make me stay until Friday. I'm already here at the airport, I'm already ready to go. Come on, universe, cut me a break. I call my father and it turns out it would probably be easier to wait until Friday – I can fly from Beijing to DC and arrive in DC Friday night, and since I have to be in DC Saturday morning for a STAND conference, and my dad will be in DC on Friday to meet with the US Department of Energy, it would all work out nicely. Except for the fact that I won't be able to come home for another four days. But it looks like everything's worked out. So I hang up with my dad, and Lam and I trudge back outside to get a taxi to go back to the Peace House so that I can stay for another two nights before I actually leave.
I'm making my peace with it. I change some more dollars to dong so I have some money. Maybe tomorrow I can go see the Hai Ba Trung temple I never got to. We get a taxi for 200,000 VND, which isn's bad at all, and head away from the airport. Until my father calls me and tells me that actually, it would be more expensive somehow to switch my flights to Friday than it would to book the Air France thing today. So we tell the taxi to turn around and head back to the airport. When we get back, the taxi driver wants me to pay 150,000 VND - $9 – which is ridiculous because it's three-fourths of the price all the way back to Peace House and we were in the car for maybe ten minutes. He claims we went thirteen km. Uh huh, Sure. Apparently there's a higher charge for going two ways instead of just one way. Except that the two ways combined couldn't possibly be half the distance of going one way. Come on, people.
Lam argued with him for me for ten minutes or so – longer than we were in the car, probably – and I get really, really angry because, come on, can't something go right today? Please? And I offer him 100,000 just to leave us alone, but no, he won't back down. So eventually I just pay him because I feel bad that I'm making Lam argue for me, which isn't very fair to him, especially when he's been so incredibly helpful all day.
I go to the Air France office where I give them my confirmation number and for once, everything is fine, and the woman prints me a boarding pass, and I'm good to go, except for the fact that it's noon and my flight leaves at 7:45. But whatever. Doesn't matter. (Funnily enough, when I explained my situation to the woman there, she looked up airline policy and agreed that no, I shouldn't need a visa since I'm catching a connecting flight to another country within 24 hours. What the hell, China?)
And everything is set. I take a deep breath. Hug Lam goodbye. Thank him, thank him, thank him. He leaves. I find a cafe place, get some food, get some ice cream, use the internet. And here I am now. Six hours to go until my flight – Hanoi to Bangkok to Paris to Kennedy, arriving home Thursday morning. I think I'll just stay here and tell them to keep the ice cream coming – I've got lots of dong to get rid of now. Everything's going to be all right. At least, let's hope so.
I can't wait to be home. Where are ruby slippers when you need them?
So I go to check in, expecting everything to be fine, and I have a hard time beliving it when the woman at the check in counter tells me that actually, to take a connecting flight from one airport in China to another requires a Chinese transit visa.
What.
So I can't take my flight.
I call my parents. They call United Airlines who confirm what we think: that to go through shouldn't require a visa because I'm catching a third flight out of the country and it's within 24 hours. Nevertheless. I talk to a representative from China Southern Airlines, who tries to be helpful and calls for me and tells me that, despite anything that makes sense, I still need a transit visa, and I shouldn't get on the plane because the Guangzhou airport can't guarantee that they can get one for me, and if they can't, I'd be shipped right back to Hanoi.
(Imagine this whole thing with me on and off the phone with my parents and Lam talking to various Airport people in Vietnamese, by the way – I could never have figured this mess out by myself.)
So I try to talk to the people who booked my flight over here, but their offices are closed. I go to the China Southern office to see if they can change my reservation to get me a new flight. It looks like they can't. My mom finds a possible new route through Thai airways leaving at 11:15 – Hanoi to Bangkok to Tokyo to San Francisco to New York. Okay. We go to the Thai Airlines office and find out that they don't sell tickets at the airport, and the ticketing office is 40 km away. We call the director of the Peace House who gets in contact with my father, and they decide to abandon the Thai plan and try to use the travel agent the Peace House usually deals with. The Thai Airlines people are nice and let us sit in their office. Meanwhile, my dad says that as a last resort we could possibly book with Air France and fly through Paris, so that by the end of my trip I'll have flown all the way around the world.
The only option seems to be getting a visa and doing the same Guangzhou-Beijing-DC-NY thing another day, so we head back over to China Southern. It turns out getting a visa is still no certain thing, and we don't know how long it will take, so they suggest taking a direct flight to Beijing, but the next one is on Friday morning. Please god, don't make me stay until Friday. I'm already here at the airport, I'm already ready to go. Come on, universe, cut me a break. I call my father and it turns out it would probably be easier to wait until Friday – I can fly from Beijing to DC and arrive in DC Friday night, and since I have to be in DC Saturday morning for a STAND conference, and my dad will be in DC on Friday to meet with the US Department of Energy, it would all work out nicely. Except for the fact that I won't be able to come home for another four days. But it looks like everything's worked out. So I hang up with my dad, and Lam and I trudge back outside to get a taxi to go back to the Peace House so that I can stay for another two nights before I actually leave.
I'm making my peace with it. I change some more dollars to dong so I have some money. Maybe tomorrow I can go see the Hai Ba Trung temple I never got to. We get a taxi for 200,000 VND, which isn's bad at all, and head away from the airport. Until my father calls me and tells me that actually, it would be more expensive somehow to switch my flights to Friday than it would to book the Air France thing today. So we tell the taxi to turn around and head back to the airport. When we get back, the taxi driver wants me to pay 150,000 VND - $9 – which is ridiculous because it's three-fourths of the price all the way back to Peace House and we were in the car for maybe ten minutes. He claims we went thirteen km. Uh huh, Sure. Apparently there's a higher charge for going two ways instead of just one way. Except that the two ways combined couldn't possibly be half the distance of going one way. Come on, people.
Lam argued with him for me for ten minutes or so – longer than we were in the car, probably – and I get really, really angry because, come on, can't something go right today? Please? And I offer him 100,000 just to leave us alone, but no, he won't back down. So eventually I just pay him because I feel bad that I'm making Lam argue for me, which isn't very fair to him, especially when he's been so incredibly helpful all day.
I go to the Air France office where I give them my confirmation number and for once, everything is fine, and the woman prints me a boarding pass, and I'm good to go, except for the fact that it's noon and my flight leaves at 7:45. But whatever. Doesn't matter. (Funnily enough, when I explained my situation to the woman there, she looked up airline policy and agreed that no, I shouldn't need a visa since I'm catching a connecting flight to another country within 24 hours. What the hell, China?)
And everything is set. I take a deep breath. Hug Lam goodbye. Thank him, thank him, thank him. He leaves. I find a cafe place, get some food, get some ice cream, use the internet. And here I am now. Six hours to go until my flight – Hanoi to Bangkok to Paris to Kennedy, arriving home Thursday morning. I think I'll just stay here and tell them to keep the ice cream coming – I've got lots of dong to get rid of now. Everything's going to be all right. At least, let's hope so.
I can't wait to be home. Where are ruby slippers when you need them?
My Last Day
I started my day yesterday by filling in my evaluation form about the Peace House, where I was brutally honest about all its shortcomings, and then headed into the city center to buy a very extravagant amount of DVDs. 42 disks in total. I'm not even going to tell you how much it all cost. But way, way, way (way, way, way, way) less than it would in the US, I promise. I can't tell you everything I got, either, because a lot of them are presents for other people. I've bought so many presents, I'm so excited to give them to everybody, but my sister is getting back from Ireland on Sunday, so my family's going to wait until them and we're going to have a crazy Christmas-in-August gift-giving extravaganza.
Took a bus to the school, stopped at my little cafe where they know me as the odd foreigner girl who keeps showing up, and ordered my last tra Lipton sua – tea with milk – got some lunch, used their wifi. When I went to the school at 3:00, the teachers and the principal had a whole gift-giving goodbye ceremony. It was crazy. The teachers themselves gave me some small things, and then we went to see the principal and the school officially gave me some beautiful flowers (which I had to leave at the Peace House,) a cute little bag, and two packages of green bean cake candies which, upon later examination, are not green and taste like cookie dough. One package is gone – it disappeared mysteriously into the digestive systems of the Peace House people – and the other one is coming home with me. Apparently you're supposed to eat them with green tea, and fortunately a student gave me a package of green tea as a present.
I had bought the teachers some scarves in Hue, so I gave them to them, and then we went to my last class. Not much teaching was involved. The students gave me more little presents, more drawings of me (the girls draw in Japanese anime style, no surprise there,) some tea, a little canister of popcorn (which also disappeared mysteriously when I got back to Peace House.) I taught the kids how to sing the “I love you, you love me, we're a happy family . . .” song, wrote up my home address and email on the board – I'd love for them to write to me, and how cool would it be for them to have an American pen pal? They could brag to all their friends, except that their friends would also have an American pen pal. Maybe I'll try to play them off each other in my letters and cause trouble – and defined “miss” for them. They practiced their English goodbye-saying skills on me and I taught them that the proper way to use it is “I'll miss you very much,” not “I'll very very miss you.” And then we hugged and took pictures and it was all over.
At this point I thought I was going to leave, but I was mistaken. Remember Mrs. Binh and her son? Well, all day she'd been reminding me that I would email him after I got back to America, and after class she made it clear that she actually had him waiting at a cafe nearby to say goodbye to me. She asked me if I wanted to sit down for some orange juice, for chrissakes. I had made it very clear the day before that I absolutely could not spend time with her son today because I was very, very busy packing, so no! I can't stay! I'm sorry! I have to go home! So he waited with me at the bus stop – again – and I took a very crowded bus home toting a big bag heavy with gifts from the school, all the DVDs I bought, my flowers, and my handbag with my computer and a book in it. I don't think I would have made it if a nice older Vietnamese woman hadn't held my flowers for me.
Can I just say something here? This whole thing was cute at first, but it's just become annoying now. I like Mrs. Binh's son, but really. Please, just let it alone. Something like this would never happen in America.
I joked at the Peace House that she wanted me to marry him, but Lam shut me down immediately – oh no, Vietnamese mothers would never want their sons to marry foreigners. Ruin my fun, why don't you, Lam.
So my last night was nice. I managed to fit everything into my suitcase, left behind my sheets and towels and some bug spray and medical supplies and toilet paper for any other Peace House people who might want it, hung around and played memory with Simone, Lam, and some fun work camp people, and then everyone went up on the roof until around 1:00 AM, when I went to bed, and slept for four and a half hours, and it was time to get ready to go. But that's a whole other epic story. I can't wait to tell you.
Took a bus to the school, stopped at my little cafe where they know me as the odd foreigner girl who keeps showing up, and ordered my last tra Lipton sua – tea with milk – got some lunch, used their wifi. When I went to the school at 3:00, the teachers and the principal had a whole gift-giving goodbye ceremony. It was crazy. The teachers themselves gave me some small things, and then we went to see the principal and the school officially gave me some beautiful flowers (which I had to leave at the Peace House,) a cute little bag, and two packages of green bean cake candies which, upon later examination, are not green and taste like cookie dough. One package is gone – it disappeared mysteriously into the digestive systems of the Peace House people – and the other one is coming home with me. Apparently you're supposed to eat them with green tea, and fortunately a student gave me a package of green tea as a present.
I had bought the teachers some scarves in Hue, so I gave them to them, and then we went to my last class. Not much teaching was involved. The students gave me more little presents, more drawings of me (the girls draw in Japanese anime style, no surprise there,) some tea, a little canister of popcorn (which also disappeared mysteriously when I got back to Peace House.) I taught the kids how to sing the “I love you, you love me, we're a happy family . . .” song, wrote up my home address and email on the board – I'd love for them to write to me, and how cool would it be for them to have an American pen pal? They could brag to all their friends, except that their friends would also have an American pen pal. Maybe I'll try to play them off each other in my letters and cause trouble – and defined “miss” for them. They practiced their English goodbye-saying skills on me and I taught them that the proper way to use it is “I'll miss you very much,” not “I'll very very miss you.” And then we hugged and took pictures and it was all over.
At this point I thought I was going to leave, but I was mistaken. Remember Mrs. Binh and her son? Well, all day she'd been reminding me that I would email him after I got back to America, and after class she made it clear that she actually had him waiting at a cafe nearby to say goodbye to me. She asked me if I wanted to sit down for some orange juice, for chrissakes. I had made it very clear the day before that I absolutely could not spend time with her son today because I was very, very busy packing, so no! I can't stay! I'm sorry! I have to go home! So he waited with me at the bus stop – again – and I took a very crowded bus home toting a big bag heavy with gifts from the school, all the DVDs I bought, my flowers, and my handbag with my computer and a book in it. I don't think I would have made it if a nice older Vietnamese woman hadn't held my flowers for me.
Can I just say something here? This whole thing was cute at first, but it's just become annoying now. I like Mrs. Binh's son, but really. Please, just let it alone. Something like this would never happen in America.
I joked at the Peace House that she wanted me to marry him, but Lam shut me down immediately – oh no, Vietnamese mothers would never want their sons to marry foreigners. Ruin my fun, why don't you, Lam.
So my last night was nice. I managed to fit everything into my suitcase, left behind my sheets and towels and some bug spray and medical supplies and toilet paper for any other Peace House people who might want it, hung around and played memory with Simone, Lam, and some fun work camp people, and then everyone went up on the roof until around 1:00 AM, when I went to bed, and slept for four and a half hours, and it was time to get ready to go. But that's a whole other epic story. I can't wait to tell you.
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